Surrender is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. For my entire life I’ve viewed surrender as something only the losers do, and then only if they’re too weak willed to die fighting. It was only shame, to me, to think of surrendering. You can probably imagine how much my world was rocked when I discovered that I had to surrender if I ever wanted anything approximating a good life.
See, it’s something that God requires of us. It isn’t optional. It seems logically counterintuitive that something so seemingly simple and easy like not fighting would be so difficult, but it is. I feel like fighting is in our blood as humans. And maybe it is. But we were never meant to fight these earthly battles on our own. We were created in the image of a good God who loves us and wants to fight for us.
But He can’t do that if we refuse to get out of the way. He’s not going to force you against your will to move so He can protect you when you don’t want Him to. That’s not how He works. This was a hard realization to accept because I don’t want to surrender to anyone or anything. The thought that someone or thing other than ME had control over my life has always been, not only the catalyst by which I made any small amount of progress I’ve made without seeking God’s help, but it was also infuriated me.
It’s one of the reasons I hate porn, drugs, alcohol and other addictions so much. I hate giving my free choice up. So when God said I had to surrender to Him, what did I do? I got pissed off and stormed out. I spent a lot of time in pointless pursuits trying to find the truth apart from the One who IS Truth, because of it. And in every instance, at every turn, God was guiding me back to Him. It took years, and a lot of pain, depression, anxiety, etc. to finally learn the lesson that I could have learned had I just listened to God the first time.
I was stubborn and angry and just done with it all. But God wasn’t. He was patient, and loving, like a good, good Father. And now here I am, years later and moderately wiser, and it’s clear to me that all that time I spent refusing to surrender was time spent in the clutches of things which brought me further from God and closer to hell. I said in a previous post that we’re all under the influence of something. All those years I spent addicted to porn, booze, video games, etc. were years I spent under the influence of those things.
I had given my free will over to those things. Now, though, I give that to God. I’ve seen where my own strength gets me, and it is not where I want to be. Instead, I am learning to trust the One who is in complete control regardless of my circumstances. And the more I let go in favor of giving God control, the better everything becomes. There is no shame in surrendering to the God because He is the Creator of all things. It is not a question of strength or ability or willpower or courage. Not with God. He gives all of those things, and using them against Him is not only futile but also absurd.
I see now that everyone is under the influence of something, whether they realize it or not. The strongest influence might as well be the only Being in existence who is eternally and completely good.
Until next time,